I worked at an
Eating Disorder Residential Treatment Center,
& I wanted to tell the women that they aren’t broken.
The reason they hurt so much inside,
is because the world hurts so much outside.
When they self harm,
they are doing so because they feel the pain of the world within them.
Nothing is truly outside of us.
They are sensitive. perceptive.
They are trying to protect themselves by
controlling the few things they can control.
When they are pretty, they are safe.
When portions are rationed &
food is… gluten free, vegetarian or paleo, lactose free, fat free, sugar free, and raw
nothing can harm them.
Food is a reflection of how we connect to the mother.
How we nourish ourself-
correlates to our connection to the Earth (Mother).
How we breast fed as a child.
The amount of safety we felt in the world when we were young.
When these women learn to believe in themselves,
they will break the matrix of illusions around them.
They are the shamans of our time.
The Seers and the feelers.
They are on their Hero’s journey,
and every hero must partake in it.
Our Darkness is something Sacred.
Women, particularly, have learned through menstruation that life is cyclical.
We ovulate and we menstruate.
There is dark and there is light.
We bleed so that we may create life.
The pain opens us so that we may find our truth.
This time of pain, is momentary.
It is about learning what it means to be human on this planet.
And it is part of their journey to switch from victim, to Priestess.
I don’t know what to do,
when the psychiatrists have the power and they say the opposite of what I know.
Each woman is sedated with five or more different medications. Their side effects are causing many of them to shake.
They are trying their best to be good and to be agreeable and fit in.
Because if they don’t, they’ll be kicked out.
And no one in the mainstream world wants to be around a broken person.
I don’t know what to do when they are being force-fed food and they are told that their problem is discipline.
Even though they are under 100 pounds, it’s the discipline to eat things like Oreos and Pop Tarts without being triggered–
That means that they are OK.
No matter what the food is, Discipline is not their problem.
What they need is nurturance.
They need pleasure.
They need to trust their intuition.
They need to connect with the food we eat –
as it comes from the Earth Mother,
to heal the wounded mother.
They need to know they are not broken.
They are on the journey to becoming Shamans.
But if I told them that-
I would be contradicting what the therapists are saying,
and I would be fired.
Because their pain felt like knives.
I’m going to do the best I can in this world–
by writing my perspective. And sharing what I think healing is.
Maybe one day they’ll see what I wrote,
And we can sit down and have a conversation.
I’m sending my love to all the sensitive beings on this planet.
May we share what we’ve learned.