Being a protector means balancing the trifecta of safeguarding my partner, shielding myself from her, and protecting my own well-being. It’s a journey of strength and vulnerability, where the greatest challenge is learning when to protect and when to trust that we can protect each other.

~ Adam

As a man, I’ve always seen myself as a guardian, protector, and provider. These roles are deeply ingrained in my identity, and they give me a sense of purpose. Protecting those I love, especially my partner, makes me feel strong and fulfilled. But this role is not without its challenges. There are moments when the lines blur, and I find myself struggling with the delicate balance between protecting my partner, protecting myself from her, and simply protecting myself.

When I protect my partner, I feel empowered. There’s a primal satisfaction in knowing that I am keeping her safe, that I am standing between her and any harm that might come her way. This feeling of purpose is incredibly grounding. It reinforces my commitment to our relationship and strengthens the bond between us. In those moments, I am not just a man—I am her protector, her shield, and it feels right.

However, the reality of relationships is that they aren’t always so straightforward. There are times when I find myself needing to protect myself from her. This could be from harsh words, actions that cut deep, or moments when our differences create a chasm between us. In these situations, the role of protector becomes complicated. Protecting myself from her brings a sense of discomfort and pain. It feels unnatural, like I’m betraying the very essence of what it means to be a guardian. Instead of feeling empowered, I feel conflicted, as if I’m caught between two opposing forces within myself.

When I choose to protect myself, I feel an immediate sense of distance between us. There’s a longing that takes hold—a yearning to return to that place where I am protecting her, where I feel close to her. But in protecting myself, I also recognize a necessary boundary. It’s a survival instinct, a way to preserve my own well-being. Yet, this act of self-protection often leaves me feeling isolated. I miss the connection, the trust, and the closeness that comes with being in sync with my partner.

The most painful part, however, is when my partner resists being protected by me. When she pushes away my attempts to care for her, I feel a profound sense of rejection. It’s as if my purpose, my very role in the relationship, is being questioned. Without that mutual trust and respect, I feel adrift. It’s in these moments that I start to withdraw, not because I want to, but because the pain of rejection and the ensuing depression make it difficult to stay engaged. The distance grows, and with it, the loneliness.

Navigating these roles—protector of my partner, protector of myself from her, and protector of just myself—is an ongoing challenge. Each path comes with its own set of emotions, and none of them are easy. But they are all part of the journey of being a man in a relationship, of being a guardian, protector, and provider. It’s a role that requires strength, but also vulnerability. And it’s in that vulnerability that I find the greatest challenges, but also the potential for growth and deeper connection.

In the end, it’s about finding balance—learning when to step forward and when to step back, when to protect and when to trust that we can protect each other. It’s a dance, sometimes graceful, sometimes clumsy, but always meaningful. And as I continue to navigate this path, I hold onto the hope that with each step, we grow closer to understanding and supporting each other in the ways we both need.

The post The Role of Protector: A Journey of Empowerment, Discomfort, and Longing appeared first on FaeTerra.

In the tapestry of my life, woven with threads of resilience and fortitude, my spirit essence shines as an unwavering determination—a flame that flickers defiantly against the gusts of adversity. Through the labyrinth of challenges and triumphs, it remains my guiding light, propelling me forward with unyielding resolve towards the horizon of possibility.

~ My Essence

Within the depths of my soul resides an essence forged in the fires of determination—a flame that burns bright, unwavering in the face of life’s trials. Allow me to share with you a glimpse of the journey where this spirit essence, my unwavering determination, emerged as my guiding force.

Picture a young dreamer, navigating the labyrinth of life with aspirations as vast as the sky. Time and again, obstacles loomed large, threatening to eclipse the brilliance of my ambitions. Yet, with each setback, my spirit essence surged forth, an unyielding beacon amidst the shadows of doubt.

There were moments of doubt, of uncertainty, where the weight of the world seemed too heavy to bear. But in those darkest hours, I found solace in the steady rhythm of my own heartbeat—a reminder that within me lay the power to persevere, to rise above the tumultuous tides of fate.

As I ventured forth into the unknown, my spirit essence became my constant companion, a steadfast ally in the battle against mediocrity and complacency. With each step forward, I felt the flames of determination grow stronger, igniting my path with the promise of endless possibilities.

Through trials and tribulations, victories and defeats, my unwavering determination remained the cornerstone of my existence—a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. And though the road ahead may be fraught with challenges, I march onward, fueled by the unyielding flame that burns within.

The post Spirit Essence- Unwavering Determination appeared first on FaeTerra.

Above are pictures of an outdoor altar Adam and I created at our first home.

The “seed altar” and the “womb altar.”

The seed altar was a place where adam would give his seed to remember that his body is to be respected and is a creative force.

My womb altar was a place where I could give my blood, to remember the power in my own body. …

Our reverence for the seed and the blood is Tantric… primordial… and has been worshipped since man realized that alchemy creates LIFE
….⭐

At our wedding,

Adam wore RED to honor my blood.

And I wore white to honor his seed.

I’m sure people assumed I wore white to be culturally correct, but actually…

I always thought I’d wear red at my wedding.

Since my early 20s my activism ~ has been to stand for the WiLD in women. To hold space for the powerful, red, self-sovereign, sexually explorative, expressive, force that is our birth rite.

And… when I got married I was STILL that woman.

But I had learned that there is power in wearing “my husband’s seed.”

This is a metaphor ~ for me, finding strength in my own surrender.

I chose to wear white to honor my husband, and to respect his codes as a protector, as a provider, and as a great support.

I vowed to continuously help him cultivate his strengths.

He in turn wore RED, as a vow to worship my depths, my magick, my psychic site, my intuition, and my creative life force that would drive our future co-creations.
…. ⭐

I believe, that when a woman worships her own wildness AS WELL AS her husband’s strengths~ They are fertile.

~

Life is about harmonizing our polarities.

The moon doesn’t glow without the sun shining upon it. The light means nothing without darkness.

Life cannot be conceived without our recognition of the blood and the seed!

And in order to live a harmonious life- we must learn to alchemize.

The post I wore White at our Wedding, to honor my husband’s SEED appeared first on FaeTerra.

When I was searching for the man I was going to marry, I was looking for my “lock and key.”
You know, that person who fits me so well that he feels like the missing parts of my soul.

I assumed that this lock and key would make me feel complete.
And that being together would make my life easier.

I’m finding out that the lock and key does make my life easier,
but it also brings challenges.
Because any lock and key, will unlock the light and the shadows.

My partner has opened me in ways, that I had no idea were a part of me.

Some of these parts I like, and some of the parts I don’t,
but all of it has been essential for my growth path.
….

This blog post is called “Shiva, Hades and Poseidon”~
because my lock and key is in the shape of Trident.

In mythology, the Trident is held by three Gods-
Shiva, Hades and Poseidon.

Shiva: The Sacred Masculine ideal who stands for integrity and righteousness.
Poseidon: The God of Water, the emotional realms and our connection to the moon.
Hades: Lord of the Underworld, finding pleasure in our shadow work.

My husband Adam is archetypal embodiment of all three.

When I met him,
he told me that he wanted to get a trident tattoo on his right arm.
On his left arm, he has a tattoo of a Phoenix.
His life so far had been about rising from the ashes.

Doing underworld work is easy for him, in fact i’d say it’s pleasurable.
And life has given him so many hard knocks, that he had been refined into a Shiva.

It’s his Poseidon that make him unique for a “daughter of the moon” like me.
He rides my emotional waves like a fish swimming in water.
And he believes in our women’s mysteries…
Which why we created FaeTerra, Magick on Earth, together.

When Adam put his Trident in my three pronged soul hole,
I opened.
And pieces of me flew everywhere.

I’m still in my reconfiguration.
I’m still learning what comes after this.

The post Shiva, Hades, and Poseidon appeared first on FaeTerra.

As I sit in bed I am contemplating my life. Where am I? Who am I? What led me here? But nothing is coming. Do I need to be amongst the trees and the birds and the bees? I can’t easily get there as I have an injury to my foot. I got 5 stitches yesterday and was able to hobble to the bathroom and the kitchen to do my daily morning routine. But now I have a deep cock sexual urge.

As my cock fills with blood pulsating and energetically pushing out towards the ether. What does it need? What does it desire? Maybe to be witnessed and worshiped? Or maybe to connect with another in the deepest form of intimacy. The merger and alchemical process of two souls dancing amongst the sun and moon and witnessed by the stars.

Now the blood flows back to my heart bringing joy and a smile. I just danced with my sexual current. Oh the beautiful dance it was. So filled with happiness.

Oh no wait blood is flowing once more down to my cock. A primal urge this time is taking over. Starting to feel agitated and angry. Such unstartilating angst. I must release this but how? Masterbation is only a quick fix with no long term benefit. I can just be with it and send hearts love of compassion and warmth. The cock bows and lets the energy go. Have I dodged a bullet? Or will it return shortly? I now feel safe and warm inside. Like the sun shining after a hard winters eve. I feel blessed to be alive.

I now have an urge to share this great and powerful transformative energy. But how and with whom? My heart fills with joy of one name, a smile ear to ear. It is my best friend and wife Aurora. In play and in joy lets dance this energy and transform the pains of ourselves and the world. Now the flow has stopped in my body, mind, and spirit. Where did it go? Was this energy only for me? Or only the one Aurora and me? Not for the world? Wait nothing can be delved deeper into. A sadness is overwhelming me. What is this? Why is this here? Sucking and draining me. How do I fix this or stop this? I don’t know. I will just be with it and explore it as I dive into the shadow head first! I am a conqueror and I will be back.

The post Sexual Flow appeared first on FaeTerra.

Dear Dad, Mom’s been struggling since you’ve been gone.The Kingdom has lost its leader. And I’m without a father.

While you’ve been meditating under a Bodhi Tree, War has struck the nation.

Mom has become both my mother and my father. She has lost her support system and she is in a depression.

ॐI know that you inspire many people with your spiritual beliefs. But honestly, all you’ve taught me is that I can escape my responsibilities, while corruption still exists.

In the name of “Enlightenment” Men are not protecting their families. Men are choosing celibacy rather than taking wives. They escape into the cosmic void, rather than work to make governmental systems better.

Mom became our Queen. But I’m watching her struggle. Our culture doesn’t support female leadership.

She can no longer provide me the emotional nurturance I need.

These are dire times. And you are absent for all of it, sitting under a tree. Calling it “NOW.”

ॐ I want to let you know that when I am King, I will rule strong.

I will not abandon my wife and my son and call it “ENLIGHTENED.”

When I am king, I will inspire men to LEAD from their hearts. And to be grounded in their power. Because it is this strength that will change the word.

Dad, thanks for showing me~ that I want to live in the world, not escape from it. I believe in our active participation.

Thank you for the lessons. Blessings, Prince Rahula (Buddha’s Son)

The post Buddha’s Son appeared first on FaeTerra.